I know how to be happy for other people. I swear I do. When someone I care about has a baby I'm happy for them. But there is something deep down in me, that Grief Monster, that becomes angry and reminds me of how lucky they are and how unfair it is. The monster brings to the surface my loss (es) and chokes the air from my lungs as it digs in its claws and tries to climb up to be more prevalent. I do my best to force it back down because it is an evil Thing. But even if I manage to beat it into submission, it's still there, it's still in me and I don't know how to get rid of it.