Christmas

As a little girl, the season of Christmas always included a feeling of magic filling the air...I could feel that magic in my veins, making me tingle with excitement. My parents always waited until my brother and I had gone to bed to put the presents out, and that always added to the awe of Christmas morning; the night before it was just a pretty tree, but when we got up in the morning somehow our stockings were packed with presents and candy and there were tons of beautifully wrapped presents under the tree waiting to be opened and played with. I always woke up really early and would sneak out to the living room and look at everything and how pretty it was, then creep back to bed and lay there, vibrating with excitement while I waited for someone else to wake up, or until it was a "reasonable" hour to jump on my parents and wake them up.
As I grew older, something about that magic faded... I don't know if it was knowing that the fairy tales of Santa weren't true or if that's just a normal part of growing older. The whole season has always been exciting and wonderful, but it is different.
This year is the first in many years that I'm starting to feel that magic again. I'm assuming it has something to do with this being the first year away from what has always been home for me, knowing that I'm going to be back for Christmas. All those songs that I've always heard about coming home for the holidays finally have a meaning for me. And it isn't the presents like it was as a kid; it's being around the people and places that you hold special in your heart.

This whole holiday is so strange when you think about it. The truth and most important part of the reason for it is the birth of Jesus; it's a celebration that He came to Earth to save us. Yet nothing we do to celebrate has anything to do with Him other than a few of the songs we sing, or if you go to church on Christmas Eve. Sure, giving the presents is in remembrance of Him being the greatest gift of all and of the wise men who brought gifts to Him, but I highly doubt that a tree and pretty lights and crazy shopping are how we are meant to celebrate. It's almost like two holidays rolled into one. (Of course, the way we often celebrate Easter with bunnies and candy has little to do with Him either.)

Anyway, aside from the strangeness of it all, I'm just very excited that this time next week I will be with family and will get to see them for more than just a day or two for the first time since May.

Music

I've always been a person whose emotions are extremely tied to music. If I listened to a particular band or song a lot during a certain time of my life, I will always remember how I felt and what was going on when I hear that music again. Unfortunately, this has caused me to be unable to listen to songs for long periods of time. Sometimes an album will make me incredibly sad to hear and it will take me awhile to connect the music to the event, but eventually I do. For the first time in five years today I was able to listen to Mae without being completely overwhelmed. It's so bizarre; I'm completely over the events that made me too depressed to listen to them, but for some reason every time I tried to listen to these songs, which are great, I was that broken, confused, 18 year old again. Finally tonight I realized that I'm actually free from that. I need to tie some music to something really happy so that five years from now I can hear a song and be randomly filled with joy instead of pain. At any rate, I just wanted to say that I'm happy that all of that crap that seemed so important a long time ago is absolutely nothing to me now. I wonder if I had tried sooner I would have had this revelation earlier. Hmm...