When Pap died, I had this vision of him and Nico holding hands and walking through a field. It was a really nice image. And then I found out that Staci and Mawmaw had the same vision.
One other person with that vision could maybe be a coincidence, but not all three of us. So as much as we would all rather have them here so we could be with them, at least they are together.



There is a big porch attached to a farmhouse. On the porch there is a wooden rocking chair and a family swing. Grandmas are there rocking a baby girl. A little blonde haired boy is running around. There's more, but that's all I can see right now.


"His whole life, the only thing he knew was your love."
Ryan said that to me and it's one of the only things that's ever given any amount of comfort.  Until now. I'm starting to get these tiny little glimpses of him. Call me crazy, call it wishful thinking. I don't care. I believe it's real. I think after all the horrible things I've seen in the same kind of vision, it's a nice change. And maybe some day I'll touch on those things, but not today. Today is my little boy's birthday and he is 5 years old. I wish so desperately that he was here and we could celebrate together, but this little snippet of him surrounded by family and still just feeling loved is the best I can realistically hope for.


I loved you then. I love you now. I'll love you forever, the only way I know how.