Several years ago, my last remaining blood related grandparent died. You hugged me and said it was ok, that I still had a grandpa. "I'm your grandpa now." But now you're gone too. And it sucks. And you suffered needlessly for a long time. So because of that, I'm glad you're at rest and you aren't suffering anymore, but I miss you and I will keep missing you. And my grief is so minuscule compared to what the rest of your family is feeling, because they knew and loved you much longer, but you were a part of my life for over a decade and a daily part of it for almost three years.
I have a lot of memories of you and they are all good, but memories are never as good as having the person that's in them. There's always that wish to have been able to see you one more time. To have gone "home" one more time. Your house hasn't been my home for quite a few years now, but it will always be one of those places that has a sense of home in my heart.
You were so strong, but kind, a hard worker, but you knew how to relax and make everyone around you smile and laugh. I often think of what a jokester you were and how quick witted you were. I know where your daughter and grandchildren get their strength and humor from.
In the sadness, I'm trying to focus on the positives- remembering you as you were before you got sick, remembering how strong you were and how hard you fought even after you got sick. That we did at least get to talk to you one more time. We thought there would be more chances, but at least we had that one, and Leyna got to talk to you and say your name and tell you she loved you. We got to say we loved you one more time, so you knew we were thinking of you and loving you, even from afar.
And yesterday... you got to meet my son.
Rest peacefully and I hope you and Nico are having a great time together. I have a vision of you two walking through a field together holding hands. One of those things, like the time I heard his voice, that doesn't seem real to others, but make sense, and I know to be true.
Until we meet again... xoxo
