Who I Am

Starting today, I am making an effort to find purpose. I know there has to be a reason to be here more than just get up, go to work, come home and sleep. I’ve started a devotional called Women of Purpose and I’m hoping it helps.

So lets start with an old question: who am I? I’ve battled with this one for awhile- a part of me wants to scream I know exactly who I am, and I argued that for many years. But sometimes I think, maybe I have no clue who I am besides what is on the surface. I am a pasty white 23-year-old wife, daughter and sister, an aspiring teacher who currently works with an ailing elderly man and I have a dog that I spoil like a child. I struggle even calling myself a woman, because half of the time I still feel so young. When things fall apart, the child in me still wants to cry for my mommy. None of this really says much about me though, and I’m starting to wonder if I even really know much about myself. I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but my mind is a bit jumbly right now.

One thing that my devotional today got me thinking about is that the world is not really about us individually. That’s something I’ve been thinking about lately. Because we only live our own lives, we become completely wrapped up in our own world so it seems as if absolutely everything is about us. We were put here for the glory of God, not to please ourselves. Though we have goals and desires, He already has a plan in place for us and nothing will prevent Him from seeing that plan through. So are my plans and my desires really mine, or do I only have them because God wants me to? I want desperately to want what He wants and to do what He wants from me, but it is difficult to discern sometimes whose aspirations these really are, and mostly, it is hard to be patient. I want to see the blue prints of my life to see what I am going to be someday so I can look at it all and think ah hah! so that is why this happened or why I was here at this time, and it will all make sense and I won’t have to wait. I am very childlike sometimes; I can wait, but I sure don’t always want to.