I have to get a colonoscopy on Tuesday. I'm trying to make light of it and just joke about getting probed by aliens, but the truth is, I am scared. Initially I was just a little concerned, but the closer it gets to Tuesday, the more upset I get. It's not so much the whole, getting anally violated with a camera thing that freaks me out, although that is super awkward. It's the idea that I'm bleeding internally and have no idea why. I am very anxious to learn why because I am exhausted and sick and in pain constantly and it is wearing me down, but of course my mind goes to terrible places and makes awful assumptions of what it may be. Logic tells me it is probably not that big of a deal, but I have so many issues, especially gastroenterological ones that it is hard to not wonder if there is something more serious behind it.
Then there is a part of me that says I have to just stop caring altogether...for a couple reasons. One, for the simple fact that if I let myself care, I will care too much and be a wreck. Two, and most importantly, I have God on my side and I trust in Him wholly and completely. If for some reason He sees fit that I have something very wrong with me, I know He will guide me through it and make something good come from it. If it is something minor, He still cares and won't make me feel stupid for worrying.
I'll be praying Danielle! Will you keep us posted on what they find out?
ReplyDeleteThank you! I didn't know anyone had commented on here-sorry to take so long to reply. They didn't find anything. He took some biopsies to be safe, but couldn't find a cause.
DeleteI apparently have low potassium, which apparently can cause a bunch of problems including digestion issues and my doctor is trying to get that level back up, and I'm hoping once that's straightened out I will start to feel better.